


cruel

by kisumia



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Death, I am so sorry, M/M, Sadness, Slight anger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-02-28 03:26:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13262643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kisumia/pseuds/kisumia
Summary: He thought that death was cruel, but he didn’t know it was this cruel.





	cruel

At a young age, everyone got a symbol on their wrist. It ranged from an obscure doodle to what many people could be a small piece of art. People spend their lives looking for their soulmate, and many of them end up spending their lives in peace, building a perfect family. Hoseok was 14 when his symbol showed up, the shape was almost blurred, but it was an arrow with three feathers, etched on his left wrist. He quickly got up and ran next door to Kihyun, someone he was close to. He held his wrist up with a toothy grin and he was met with the same image on his neighbor’s wrist, the same arrow with three feathers. 

 

It was at 16 when Hoseok heard about the rumors of the “black spot” that appeared on someone’s wrist when their soulmate died, although, he was never the one to believe rumors. He told Kihyun about it and he was met with the response of, “why are you so worried, angel? It’s nothing that we will experience anyways,” and Hoseok just nodded, believing his lover’s words.  _ Nothing could ever separate them, at least not in this lifetime _ .

 

They both were married at the age of 22, deciding that the younger they got married, the longer they get to do all the “domestic stuff” as they put it. Anyone could’ve guessed that they were in love with each other. Everyone who encountered them wouldn’t be able to formulate words as to how in love they were; it was beyond words could explain.

 

But they always say that things aren’t exactly pretty behind closed doors. They both were 26 when Hoseok brought up the topic of starting a family. He wasn’t met with the response that he wished that he got. He was met with a shrug and a comment saying, “but is a family really that important? It’s just people we have to take care of.” It quickly escalated that night. There was shattering of glass, and things thrown about. The following weeks after that, there was a drift between them. The tension between them was nearly unbearable. 

 

It was Kihyun that approached Hoseok one afternoon, with a deep sigh. “I’m sorry, and I know this apology probably won’t suffice for anything. I want to take you somewhere — somewhere that means a lot to the both of us.” Hoseok gave him a slow nod and took his lovers hand and followed him. They drove to the edge of town, where a forest stood. At first, Hoseok gave Kihyun a confused look, to which he received a reassured smile back as Kihyun led him towards a small, narrow trail. It led to a small clearing with an old wooden bench, where Hoseok decided to sit. It seemed familiar to him, but not enough to bring back any clear memories. “We used to play here when we were younger. It’s the place where you and I used to come. I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t remember. We were small and adventurous when we were younger. But this is also the place where I promised you that if you never found your soulmate, that I’d become your soulmate. I guess that didn’t need to happen,” Kihyun chuckled. Hoseok’s cheeks became a soft pink color, suddenly remembering the significance of this place.

 

“I wanted to apologize for that outburst that caused us to drift apart. That was a dick move, but I also do have an explanation for it. And I’m about to apologize to you again. Hoseok, I’m dying,” he whispered the last part so quietly, the other man barely caught it. Hoseok’s head perked up, “what did you say?”

 

“I’m dying, Hoseok,” Kihyun let out a few tears, kneeling in front of his significant other. “I’m dying, Hoseok, and I can’t stop it. I’m sorry for not telling you, but I thought it would be easier for you if I didn’t. I didn’t want to start a family with you because I didn’t want you to be reminded of me after I died. More than anything, I want to start a family with you, but I can’t.”

 

Hoseok slowly let his head rest against Kihyun’s and that’s when it hit him. He let out a few choked sobs, how could’ve he not known that his lover was dying? How could’ve he been so blind to it? The constant headaches he had, the lack of appetite, the tired look in his eyes, the moments of forgetting. He didn’t pick up on any of it. He finally worked up the courage to choke out a few words, “How much longer?” He was met with a small timespan of 4 months. He let out another sob. They both sat there until evening, holding each other, enjoying each other’s presence.

 

As they counted down the days, they tried to do as much as they could together, laughing and smiling as they used to. They enjoyed each other’s company. They travelled, explored, experienced new things. Hoseok was not about to let Kihyun have his last few months be sad and let that be his last memory. Though when nights rolled around and Kihyun was asleep in the hotel bed, Hoseok often found himself wide awake, silently crying. 

 

He often was met with the crippling sadness that one day Kihyun won’t be next to him when he woke up, he wouldn’t be in the kitchen making breakfast in the mornings, he wouldn’t be next to him when they went out. It really hit him hard during Kihyun’s last month that after this, Kihyun wouldn’t be with in anymore. Day by day, Kihyun grew paler and weaker. Hoseok often cried himself to sleep when Kihyun wasn’t able to recognize his face or say his name that day. It hurt him a lot. The last two weeks of Kihyun’s life were spent in the hospital, running tests and keeping him under constant supervision. Hoseok made sure Kihyun was comfortable and well-rested. He often fell asleep with his head on Kihyun’s bed. Kihyun often stayed awake now due to medication, but seeing Hoseok sleep made him feel happy. It was the only him he saw his husband look peaceful now. He knew Hoseok often cried himself to sleep, and he knew that Hoseok constantly worried for him. He was grateful — he was grateful that he was able to marry someone as loving as him, as caring as him. He was grateful that Hoseok was his soulmate.

 

On Kihyun’s last night, Hoseok had fallen asleep at his bedside again. Kihyun slowly ran his fingers through Hoseok’s hair, letting a few tears slip with a soft smile on his face. “I hope you no longer worry about me. I love you,” he spoke to his husband. Kihyun slowly fell asleep as well, passing away in the early morning of the next day. Hoseok woke up to the flat-lining sound of the monitor. He suddenly became very awake, and rushed to press the emergency buzzer. He fell back in disbelief as the doctor announced his lover’s passing. Soon after Kihyun’s face was covered with the white blanket, a young nurse came in, an envelope in her hand. She knelt in front of Hoseok and handed it to him before leaving him to himself. The envelope had his name on it, and the date neatly printed as the day before Kihyun was admitted into the hospital. It was Kihyun’s handwriting. Slowly he opened the envelope and pulled out the letter and read it through as the "black spot" appeared on his wrist.

 

_ Hoseok — _

_ A shining star, that’s what you are to me. You are such a bright source of my life. Hoseok, I can’t even put into words how much your love means to me. You are the best thing in my life and if you can take anything out of this letter, it would be that I will never stop loving you, not even for a millisecond. There were so many things I wish I could’ve told you, but I couldn’t find the strength to. Whenever you miss me, look up at the sky. I’ll be looking down and watching you always.  _

_ I love you so much, angel. I know that you haven’t been able to sleep for the last four months. I know you’ve been awake, late at night, crying silently. I know that you cried yourself to sleep most nights when I forgot your face and you name. It was hard looking at you and not be able to say you were the love of my life because I couldn’t remember it. It was hard trying to remember the name of the person I love.  _

_ Hoseok, I bet it was hard. It was hard for me, too. I love you so much, Hoseok, and I will always love you. _

_ Kihyun. _


End file.
